I remember feeling so helpless and so conflicted in my heart. I wondered if I had made a mistake in coming to his school, or if I had done some sort of classic “when helping hurts” maneuver that I was unaware of. I told mama Bon that maybe I shouldn’t have come, and it was so hard for me to leave him, knowing that his heart was breaking, thinking we were just leaving him behind.
Mama Bon, being very wise and strong, told me that I didn’t need to worry. She said, “Lawi knows you love him, and he doesn’t get that much. He is always sad to see the staff go when we visit, and he’ll be okay.” Then she said “Believe me, if Lawi wants to get to Kisumu, he will show up there tomorrow.”
Lawi has had a track record of running away and not telling anyone where he is going. He’s run from Kisumu to his grandma’s, and vice versa. We laughed at the thought that Lawi could probably even beat us back to Kisumu if he really was determined to get there.
That next morning, I went to the office and there were no signs of Lawi. Mama Bon told me “Your boy has grown. He isn’t running away to Kisumu today. He’s staying and going to school.” She had called the Grandma to check on him and make sure he was still there. Sure enough, our little Lawito (as we sometimes call him) had grown a bit! Instead of running to be wherever he thought best, he was sad, but he knew he had to stay and finish his semester. This was an unintentional test and he past with flying colors. I on the other hand failed miserably as I was so sad about that day.
Once I returned back home, I heard from the staff that Lawi came running to the office after his exams asking where I was. They told him I’d be back and he just dealt with it. He and Molly stayed with Allison over there break and there was no attempt to run away or be disobedient. Proof that our little guy is growing up and learning! It was a moment where I felt the Lord whisper to my heart “Ndoto is doing good. Doing what’s best for Lawi, and raising up a young man.” I had a peace come over me, knowing that I hadn’t done something terrible in going to visit him.
What I’m reminded of is that God is good and His love for Lawi far outweighs mine. That’s sometimes hard to believe, as my heart bleeds for him and the other kids I know in Obunga. However, having a hard time believing something doesn’t make it untrue. The Lord loves Lawi more than I ever will or ever could. And He’s a good, good daddy to take care of him no matter where he is. So, I’ll keep going to visit, and surprise kids at school, trusting that God has their life in the palm of His hands.