In December of 2016, I followed a tug from the Lord on my heart to leave my job. I’ve had tons of interviews, and I’ve had lots of great companies and organizations talk with me. BUT, I’ve been looking for a new full-time opportunity for 11 months next week. None of them have been “the one”.
First, I have to say, God has been faithful and I’m grateful. He has taken care of me these months. He’s provided contract work, grown my own business with Plexus, and has shown up with random financial blessings when I needed them.
When you’re 33, you feel like surely you should have your life at least a little together, right?! Isn’t that what our parents trained us for?! Despite my best efforts, it’s just not been working out, and I had an epiphany that the job search is exactly the same as being on the Bachelor on ABC.
Recently, after 3 months of interviewing with a company that I really love, I was told I didn’t get the job. I’m not gonna lie, I was heart broken. I really thought this was it.
When I first got the news, I had my “back of the limo” moment where I was sobbing and heart broken, and truly, for a moment, devastated. I would have absolutely hated cameras being on me in that moment. No one needs to see my ugly cry and snot running down my nose. It was the kind of ugly cry where even my dog was looking at me strange.
Then, I went into distraction/hiding mode. You know, that part of the show where they leave, you don’t see them, you don’t know what they’ve been doing, but you can’t wait to see when they pop back up. I kept my best friends three kids for an entire weekend and was thrilled to have the distraction. I didn’t want to think about what just happened. I didn’t want to process. I didn’t want to move on. I didn’t want to “fix” anything. I just wanted to not think about it. So, I didn’t. If I wouldn’t have been scheduled to keep the kids, I would have gotten lost in movies, college football, or activities with friends and family to distract me.
I’m sure in a few days or weeks, I’ll be ready to resurface for the “After the Final Rose” episode. Where you at Chris Harrison? I’ll be ready to talk about it, maybe sit with the company I love and talk it out, to move on from it, to learn and grow. I may not have a TV audience eagerly awaiting my appearance, but I’ll resurface and muster up the strength and the will to go on the next season.
It’s seriously the SAME DANG THING as dating Y’ALL!!!! I put my best foot forward, make sure my hair and makeup, my personality even, is on. point. It’s the newness of dating – making sure they see all the great things about you so they will want to stay…and then…they don’t. Most of the time, companies, like dates, don’t call or give you any feedback. They just “ghost” you or disappear. This company did give some feedback and was kind enough to “break up” with me, which I’m grateful for because for all I know, there are quite a few places I’m still in the running and don’t even know!
So, while I want to be mad, who am I gonna be mad at? My friends can be angry for me and tell me how awesome I am and how I’m better off…which is what great friends do during a break-up… but for me….I’m just weary in the waiting. Weary that I’m still in this place 11 months later. Weary in waiting for the right fit. Weary of dating…companies that is. Don’t even get me started on dating companies and dating men…that’s just too much energy that not even Plexus can give me! lol
So, stay tuned for the next season of Ashley on the Bachelor aka Job Search! I’m very close to saying “forget it” and starting my own thing, my own ministry, my own company, and just make life happen. Who knows, maybe that’s where the magic is at?
So…if you’re in a similar place, I just want you to know…you’re not alone. I know it sucks. I know it’s frustrating…believe me. But I also know that the story isn’t over. It’s not the end.
So, put on your best outfit, and go on those “dates”. We’ll find the right fit. Right? If not, we know at least, people love the drama of the Bachelor so maybe they’ll keep watching?
For those who don’t want to be in this place, and didn’t think you’d be here again, just remember…it won’t last forever (or we certainly hope not). As surely as winter is coming, spring will be around the corner. Life moves in seasons, and so does the Bachelor.
Maybe God has something unique and special, just like you, in store for your life!
Happy “dating” y’all!